[meteorite-list] you should be here

[Jerry A. Wallace]

Hi Steve,

Sounds like you're having a great vacation. Much deserved, no doubt.
Matzatlan is a beautiful place to visit.

It occurs to me that you now have a fantastic, perhaps even a once-in-a-
lifetime opportunity available to you. The Mexican deserts, the Sonoran
and the Chihuahuan, have been scantily searched for the marvelous
meteorite treasures that are most assuredly lying there just waiting for
you to find them. An expert such as yourself, who can smell a meteorite
from miles away, should be able to spot large, untouched strewnfields in
the somewhat remote regions of these small, user friendly deserts.

If you were to take the bus from Matzatlan up the coastal highway to Los
Mochis, you would then be at a prime jumping off spot for your expedition.
In Los Mochis you could equip yourself for your search through the desert
of your choice. Keeping it simple will be the key to your success in this
endeavor. You will need a piece of string, a magnet, a water jug, a backpack
in which to carry your case of Spam, a small piece of cork and a magnetized
needle, in case you feel the need to make a compass. I would pass on the
compass materials to cut down on the weight, however. If you should feel
lost at any time, just follow the crowds as they are all heading  north 
to the
border. You should also get yourself a large wheelbarrow in which to carry
along the treasure (space rocks.) Perhaps you should also buy one of the
beautifully decorated sombreros that are available in that area at a very
reasonable cost. It will come in handy for shading your eyes during the 
many
siestas you are likely to take.

In Los Mochis you will need to make the decision as to which of the small,
hospitable deserts you wish to search. To the NNE you have the Chihuahuan
Desert. Your timing for this trip is impeccable, as always, Steve, for 
during the
spring, the desert is cool and lush with edible vegetation and cute and 
cuddly
wildlife. The same can be said for the Sonoran, of course, whose path 
lies to
the NNW.
 
If you choose the Chihuahuan Desert for your route northward, you will 
possibly
run into some low foothills known as the Sierra Madre Occidentals. These 
have
never been scoured with a trained eye such as yours so you might need a 
burro
or six with packs to bring out the tons of lunars, martians, and 
gorgeous pallasites
that lie in wait for you. There are many coffee shops and restaurants 
thoughout the
area that will provide you with computers and broadband internet service 
from
which to keep the List informed of your progress and spectacular finds. 
Even
though burros will be available at the nearest town or rancho whenever 
you need
them, you should not neglect to take the wheelbarrow. Think of the fun 
you can
have riding it down the gentle northside slopes of the foothills. Be 
sure to tighten
the chinstrap on your sombrero before taking off. Wouldn't want to lose 
it. Also
be careful not to careen through the northward bound crowds on your fun 
rides
in the wheelbarrow.

I would recommend going the Chihuahuan route because if you take the Sonoran
trek you will likely come out at the Arizona border. There would be 
hundreds of
unscrupulous meteorite dealers there from Tucson and Phoenix who would 
try to
steal your valuable treasures at a mere pittance of their actual worth.

When you reach the east/west fence you will be nearly home. Just toss 
all your
meteorites over the fence and make a mental note as to their location. 
Run the
many burros off that you have accumulated on your trek by shouting, "GO HOME
NOW!"  The burros, being highly intelligent and obedient will 
immediately return to
their owners. Nobody will bother your meteorites and you can come back for
them later with a large truck. By doing this you avoid confusing the 
border guards
who have probably never heard of a meteorite and therefore wouldn't know
whether to allow you to bring your treasure across the border or not. 
Small thing.
People do it all the time and it really helps out the overworked border 
guards.

Then, continue along the fenceline for a few miles in either direction 
until you reach
one of the numerous border crossing stations. Make certain you are 
wearing your
beautiful sombrero when you arrive at the station. You would also do 
well to buy
some of the stylish Mexican sandals from someone in one of the many 
northward
bound groups you cannot help but encounter along the way. Another nice touch
would be to wear one of the colorful serapes that can be obtained almost 
anywhere
in your travels. The ever friendly border guards will more than likely 
just wave
you through with a big, friendly smile. Should one of the guards try to 
engage you in
friendly conversation, you should step back and shout as loud as you 
can, "I AM
NOT A TERRORIST! I AM AN AMERICANO TURISTA! LET ME PASS
NOW OR I WILL SUE YOU!"  This generally works in 99% of the cases. But, in
the unlikely event they have any suspicions about you, the guard will 
usually put you
in one of their air conditioned Jeeps, drive you to a nearby restaurant, 
and order you
the El Grande platter and cold Tecate' longnecks. This is only to relax 
you and put you
at ease. Then the guard will ask you a few simple questions and may even 
request to
see your driver's license. Then he'll take you back to the border 
station and ask if you
need a cab, or could they possibly drive you to a hotel. They're always 
careful to offer
you any money you might need for your expenses while you enjoy your stay 
along the
desert border region. You will undoubtedly enjoy the experience.

Later, after you've rested a bit in the nice hotel room, you will want 
to rent a very large
U-Haul truck in order to retrieve your cache of valuable meteorites. If 
you watch carefully
on your way home to Chicago, you will be able to spot many large bumps 
in the road
that you can aim at and really give your space rocks a good bouncing. 
This action should
produce many accidental breaks and shatters along the edges of the 
meteorites that will
undoubtedly make for great giveaways later. If you should encounter any 
border agents
as you are leaving Texas, New Mexico, or Arizona who seem to indicate 
they might wish
you to stop for a chat, merely hang your head out the truck window and 
again shout as
loud as you can, "I AM NOT A DRUG SMUGGLER! I AM TRANSPORTING
IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC TYPE METEORITES! LEAVE ME ALONE OR I WILL
SUE YOU!"  Again, as previously happened at the border station, the 
agents might wish
to wine and dine you and ask a couple of questions. But what the heck, 
they always provide
great meals, fine booze, and are good company. Take advantage of the 
situation and ask
for a few hunded dollars more to help you along on your trip to Chicago. 
Insist on cash,
though, since you don't want to take the time and trouble of stopping by 
a bank to cash a
check. They'll understand.

Follow these suggestions closely, Steve, and you will most certainly 
become known as the
premier meteorite hunter, dealer, and giveawayer of our time. Yessiree, 
Steve, this will put
you on top of the pile, ahead of the rest; you'll be the big cheese, the 
honcho, the main man,
and the big boss. Who could ask for more?

Good hunting,

Jerry

PS... One small afterthought: If you were to take your handy-dandy cam 
along with you
to document your stupendous finds, travels, and experiences, and then 
edit and compile the
footage into a DVD, it would most certainly be an instant best seller. 
Folks will no doubt
insist that you enter it at the Cannes and the Sundance Film Festivals 
in the documentary
category. This will be a fine example to the rest of us as to how this 
should done (especially
to your confused namesake, Arkansas Steve Arnold.) Your guidance and 
example in these
matters is all that we seek.

PPS... Be sure to get some action shots as you're riding the wheelbarrow 
down the slopes
of the Sierra Madre's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve Arnold, Chicago!!! wrote:

>Hi list.It is 88 degress,the water is 80 degrees and it is very humid.So
>much with nothing to do but drink,eat,swim and play.Like BTO said many
>years ago,I LIKE TO WORK AT DOING NOTHING ALL DAY.hEY See you all next
>week.
>
>
>                                  sa in mazatlan,mexico
>
>Steve R.Arnold, Chicago, IL, 60120 
> 
>
>Illinois Meteorites,Ltd!
>
>
>website url http://stormbringer60120.tripod.com
>  
>